Fishcake's Trap
by nonwritten
Summary: The Fishcake Omake Files Presents: Fishcake's Trap. During the Chuunin exams, the encounter with Orochimaru goes a bit differently. A what if scenario that drastically changes the outcome of the story, which most can agree for the better.


The Fishcake Omake Files Presents

Fishcake's Trap

By Kaji no Ikari

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Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, also I don't support the direction Kishibaka is taking the series.

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Orochimaru was having a grand ole time, sliding up and around the large pole, more commonly known as a tree. Suddenly his fun was interrupted when several shuriken hit the tree right where his head would have been. He frowned, someone ruined his sliding fun. He looked up to see where the shuriken came from and found Naruto glaring at him.

"Ku ku ku, I see you got away from my big snake." The snake with thinly veiled interest in little boys taunted.

Naruto's glare intensified. "For the death of my true love, you will pay!"

"True love?" Sakura asks Sasuke, who simply shrugged not caring about the dobe's love life.

'Now how to make the teme suffer. Harem no Jutsu? Maybe, but I can't tell if that is a girl or a guy. I don't need another Haku incident… Haku! That will work perfectly. You're fucked now teme! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! Trap Harem no Jutsu!'

Instantly after finishing his thoughts, several Kage Bunshin appear around Orochimaru scattered in the trees. They all disappear in clouds of smoke, replacing Naruto's figure is a long haired feminine figure with clouds around the chest and waist to hide what is behind them.

Orochimaru takes a look around and doesn't seem impressed. "A bunch of girls? Just what is this supposed to do to me?" He asked with a sneer.

Naruto merely smirked 'I guess no mind fucking will occur, on to part two.' At that moment the smoke dissipated revealing the feminine figure was in fact a male, Haku to be exact. The Haku clones approached the pedo-snake sensually.

"Oh my." Orochimaru's eyes bugged out of his head and he was thrown off the tree from a jet stream of blood from his nose.

Naruto quickly released his clones and went after the falling body. When it landed, he approached it and quickly took out a kunai. He bent down and slit the throat of his enemy. He started searching for a scroll.

Sakura wiped some blood from her nose, and proceeded to stomp over to him and bopped him on the head. "Baka! I can't believe you did that!" She glared at him. "How did you know what Haku looked like naked anyway?" She glances at him suspiciously.

"I don't want to talk about it." He shudders. "Now help me look for a scroll."

"He ate it, so unless you want to open him up to find it, you won't have much luck." She stated disgusted at the thought.

"So be it, I want that damn scroll. I've already been in the guts of one snake today, what's one more." He guts the corpse and digs around for the scroll and finds it. Along with the scroll he finds a sword.

"Cool a sword. What is this? An enemy from an RPG? Meh, now that I think about it, how did that get in there? They must have made some guy very happy with such swallowing expertise. Sword swallower takes on a whole new meaning here." He takes the scroll and sword and gets up.

"Let's go. I want to clean up at a spring or something and then we can head to the tower. We still have our original scroll right?" He says while trying to wipe his hands on the clothes of the dead Orochimaru.

"Yeah, Sasuke has it still. Why wasn't he down here watching you dig through the corpse too? Which was completely disgusting by the way." She says with a disgusted face then she looks around for Sasuke.

When they spotted him, they both had extreme reactions, though for completely different reasons. Sakura stared at Sasuke in shock and then great sadness, which quickly became anger. Naruto stared at him in surprise, then he started laughing his ass off.

Sasuke was passed out against the tree he was standing on with a large goofy grin on his face surrounded by a pool of blood.

Sakura's thoughts were something along the lines of 'Sasuke was affected by that jutsu? He likes how Haku looks more than me? HE LIKES HAKU?! SHANNARO!' She and inner Sakura started planning out how to deal out punishment to the bastard that they spent so much time going after, that apparently was a complete waste of time.

Naruto just kept laughing, rolling around on the ground clutching his sides. "I know his weakness now. He stands no chance against me if I pull that out again." He managed to say in between laughs.

Sakura had enough of her mental punishments and decided to inflict some for real. She jumped up to him and smacked him hard. "Bastard! Wake up, we need to go."

Sasuke woke up with the hit and glared at her and wiped away the blood dribbling from his nose. He instantly went back into emo-mode. "Feh, fine let's go. Grab the dobe and we can be on our way." He said trying to impress Sakura with his coolness. He wasn't sure why but it didn't seem to be working. 'Wait, did she actually hit me? Sakura?' He went into shock at the thought that one of his fangirls hit him.

Sakura just stared flatly at him. "Naruto wants to stop by a stream so he can clean off the blood then we can go to the tower. He retrieved the scroll from the corpse and a sword too."

After Sasuke got out of his stupor and Naruto stopped laughing at him, they left the area. They never knew who it was that they fought, or just what fate they avoided.

A few days later, an ANBU patrol searching for survivors and to find any dead left behind, discover the body of Orochimaru. They knew that this particular grass team was killed before the exam by Orochimaru and were surprised to find one of the imposters dead. When they removed the false face they were even more shocked to discover that it was Orochimaru himself.

"Holy shit! It's Orochimaru!" The captain yelled in shock. "Let's take the body back to HQ. I'm sure someone wants to examine it."

Later on the captain met with the Hokage to discuss his findings.

"Sandaime-sama, my team has discovered the corpse of Orochimaru. He had his throat slit and it appears that someone disemboweled him. He was disguised as one of the grass-nin that we found. We haven't discovered what happened to the other two imposters." The captain stated.

"Thank you for informing me. That is certainly an interesting find. I wonder who managed to kill him. Find out if any of the teams had the scroll he was given. That team may be able to give us some clues as to what happened. If any of the teams had the scroll, send them to my office immediately. Dismissed." The elderly Hokage finished. As the ANBU captain warped out in a puff of smoke, he lit his pipe thinking about his newly deceased student.

A short time later, there was a knock on his door. "The team that had the scroll is here, Sir." His secretary stated.

To Sarutobi's immense surprise, in walked Team 7. Sasuke was his typical brooding self. Sakura looked like she was brooding as well, quite the change from her typical pestering of the Uchiha. Finally, Naruto walked in looking smug. They stood before the Hokage waiting for whatever they were called in for.

"I have called you here because during the exam, your team had a scroll from a certain grass team. I was hoping you could answer some questions about that. Did your team encounter any members of the grass team?"

"Yeah, some long haired freak." Naruto informed him while nodding.

Sarutobi was worried, they had an encounter with Orochimaru. Just what happened though? "Did you fight with that grass-nin?" He asked, while hoping for a no.

They nod.

"Did you defeat the grass-nin?" He asked fully expecting a negative answer and was mentally preparing his next question, since there was no way three genin could defeat Orochimaru.

"Yep!" Sarutobi was frozen in shock. "Pretty much by myself, I don't know what these two did before I got there, but I finished him off." Naruto proudly stated.

'Naruto killed Orochimaru by himself? How the hell did he manage that?' Regaining his composure he asked the question that he was dying to know the answer to. "How did you manage to kill him?"

"Him?" Naruto asked with a disgusted face. "That makes it so much more disturbing." He shuddered. "I guess I will start at the beginning since you probably want all the details. We just stopped to make up some codeword incase we were separated, when this strong gust of wind blew me away. I landed some distance away. When I got my bearings I found out there was a giant snake above me and before I could react, it swallowed me whole. I was searching around in my pouch for something to use against the snake when my only cup ramen fell out and was destroyed in front of my eyes. In my anger, I created several kage bunshin and forced the snake to explode from being too full. After that I ran back to where my team was. When I got there I threw several shuriken at the grass-nin's head. Sadly he dodged them and then he looked up at me and said something about getting away from his big snake. That naturally both pissed me off and creeped me out. I yelled at him that I was going to get him for causing the death of my true love."

Sakura interrupted. "Your true love was a cup ramen? We thought you picked up a girlfriend or something." She smacked him upside the head.

"It was my last one, I was very distraught." He pouted. "Anyway, I wanted to get back at him and thought of a way to do so. At the time I didn't know his gender, so I came up with an idea that would probably cause mental damage for guys and just cause girls to pass out. It was a variant of my harem no jutsu. I had my clones take the form of Haku. The plan was that a guy would see that and get excited, then after the smoke drifts away, be disgusted that it was a guy. For girls they would just react as normal. My newly dubbed trap harem no jutsu, apparently worked since it affected him like it would a girl. I figured that he was a girl because of this. I went to where he landed and then slit his throat. Sakura informed me that he swallowed his scroll and I would have to dig around inside him to find it. I was still feeling vengeful for being eaten so I decided to do just that. I found the scroll and a sword too. I still have no idea how that got in there and I really don't want to know. I took the scroll and sword and we left." Naruto thought a bit more.

"Oh yeah, I caught both of these two with the trap harem too. The teme here was out of it until Sakura smacked him awake again." Naruto snickered.

Sakura grumbled bitterly and Sasuke flushed red out of anger and embarrassment.

Sarutobi chuckled. 'It seems the Uchiha clan is finished. All his fangirls will be so disappointed that they can't get him.'

"Well Naruto-kun, I should congratulate you on killing your first S-class missing-nin. That was Orochimaru, my former student and one of the candidates for Yondaime before he was caught performing experiments on people. I will have the reward for killing him forwarded to your account and have it put on your record. This gave you a big advantage towards becoming chuunin at the very least. The sword is most likely the fabled Kusanagi; you might as well keep it. It cannot be blocked by normal weapons and can poison those cut with it."

Naruto looked at him in surprise. 'That guy was a hokage candidate? I know the position is difficult to even be considered for, plus he was taught by jiji, so that guy was very strong. If I can beat jiji with a sexy no jutsu, and that guy with a modified harem no jutsu, then these must be some seriously powerful jutsu. I can take out kage level ninja fairly easily, it can't be hard to takeout the normal missing-nin. Hmm, hunter-nin is a good job, and pays well.'

"Jiji, can I become a hunter-nin once I become a chuunin?" Naruto asked seriously.

Naruto became the best hunter-nin Konoha ever had. Using his success at that and his powerful jutsu he became the Godaime Hokage once Sarutobi retired again. He taught others to use his methods to great success, and because of this Konoha was unstoppable. Under his leadership, Konoha became the dominant power in the ninja community. Naruto had reached his dream, he had surpassed all the previous Hokage.


End file.
